Non profit interest

       Childhood dreams are still fresh. When I was very young, my goal was to have my own egg pancake stand. I especially liked eating egg pancakes, and even now, I remember clearly how my feelings changed when the price of egg pancakes went from 1.5 yuan to 3 yuan. I wasn't really an ambitious person. In second grade of elementary school, our homeroom teacher asked us what we wanted to be when we grew up? My desk mate answered first: 'I want to be Einstein.' In her mind, Einstein was even a profession. I have to say that when I was young, I was so naive that I was a bit foolish. I never thought about the pressure of moral public opinion in front of dozens of people who admired noble professions such as scientists, doctors, astronauts and so on. Instead, I simply stood up and said: "When I grow up, I hope to always eat egg pancakes, so it's enough for me to be a master of frying egg pancakes." I can't remember the reaction around me at that time, but today, I definitely wouldn't be so rashly "frank". It's just like John Keating from Dead Poets Society telling the child who made a fool call to the principal: distinguish between courage and stupidity and don't let your dreams choke you. Now, looking back at myself who answered questions in the past, aside from my foolishness of not considering the consequences, I appreciate even more the purity of defining dreams and the sincerity of wanting to achieve them that I had when I was young. All I knew was that moment in elementary school, where I really hoped to live by making egg pancakes and had high expectations for the world. Later on, it seems like I lost those expectations. In middle school, I was told that getting into the neighboring City No.1 Middle School meant being a good kid but unexpectedly ranked top 30 in the city instead and went on to spend three years in high school aimlessly. However, still managed to get into a decent university and chose a good major.

       My narrative seems to contain a sense of powerlessness and complaint driven by fate. My answer is that I don't blame anyone, I'm just confused as to why the older I get, the more proactive I lose from before. I have never stopped to think about what kind of life or person I want to be in the future. Many times, I make excuses for myself - saying that things are unpredictable, we are powerless under the complexity of fate and the trend of our times; social environment at different ages does not allow us room for trial and error etc. Ironically, however, I have never "tried" anything wrong; instead, my way of living has always been mainstream - living in a way that is most effortless but also most utilitarian. It's like choosing to walk into a narrow alleyway while telling others that it was never wide enough.

       Regain passion. There are really a lot of diverse pleasures in life, even for those who constantly pursue it, they can also pause and appreciate the beauty along the way. I want to learn to stop resenting and maintain an interest in the world with a non-utilitarian attitude. I am fascinated by the diversity, richness, and excitement of life, and will experience many different aspects of the world.

       Let's encourage each other.